I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
