Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Randomize
