we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
