I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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