I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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