Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
