Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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