I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
