oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
