Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
