halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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