Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He felt like a one man threesome
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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