Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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