i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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