I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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