I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize