Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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