So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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