Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
