Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize