and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its not stalking. its research.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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