I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
