My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
