i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
