i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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