thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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