I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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