I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
