So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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