yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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