Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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