She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
