Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
