we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
