it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
