Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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