Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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