Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
