Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
