I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize