Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
