its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
