I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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