SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
is wine microwaveable?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize