I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you never un-have a 4some
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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