If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love accidental penises.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I want her autograph on my taint
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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