It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
