your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize