Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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