Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
