saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
whose ass print is on the piano?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
