plz talk dirty to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i will never coherently bang her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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