i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
