I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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