i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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