Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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