Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
