p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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