pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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