we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
