so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
