Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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