Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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