and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
