God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
