it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
