my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize